i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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