Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
