I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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