I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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