I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
