3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
