I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
