My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
