Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
