Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
