Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
