yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
