i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
