Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
