Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
