You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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