This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
