i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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