He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
