i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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