Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
