i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
