upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We left the knife in your bed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
