Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
