Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I could make wine with my vomit
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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