no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
