just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
