Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
