I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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