last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
