Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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