Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
