I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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