So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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