I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
