After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
