Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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