she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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