I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And then he peed in my hair
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