She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he shaved USA in his pubs
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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