I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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