If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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