hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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