What a fucking waste of an outfit
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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