Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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