Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
