I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
