pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
