this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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