dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
