If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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